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    Open Post: Hosted By The Pizza Hut Christmas Tree Topper

    Like it or not, the Christmas season is here. This means it’s time for the annual knock-down-drag-out fight about what goes on top of the Christmas tree. Your mom wants an angel, your dad wants a star, and dear grandmama wants an old-timey Father Christmas. What’s a good Christian family to do? Enter the Pizza

    Like it or not, the Christmas season is here. This means it’s time for the annual knock-down-drag-out fight about what goes on top of the Christmas tree. Your mom wants an angel, your dad wants a star, and dear grandmama wants an old-timey Father Christmas. What’s a good Christian family to do? Enter the Pizza Hut Christmas tree topper, modeled after the restaurant’s iconic stained-glass light fixtures that used to hang over each booth. Yay! The holidays are saved! I can’t wait to get spend top dollar on this item and– Excuse me?! The Pizza Hut tree topper isn’t for sale? Then why is it featured in commercials and on the Holiday Hut Shop website? Welp, Christmas is back to being ruined. Burn the tree!

    So, yes. Pizza Hut is indeed selling holiday-themed merchandise on its website. And while the gorgeous gotta-have-it tree topper is included in pictures, it isn’t one of the items you can buy. But look at how happy the model family seems!:

    Wait. WAIT. Computer, enhance image!. More… more… mo- THERE. Do I spy… Pizza Hut jammies? With little pizza delivery cars, restaurants, slices, and the phrase, “Deck the halls and dig in”? I sure do:

    You can buy the pajamas for $39.99 each. There’s also Pizza Hut-themed gift wrap, a Matchbox playset (delivery car included!), wine glasses, and rock glasses. There are also ornaments, including an *extremely tiny* Pizza Hut light. But it just isn’t the same:

    I think it’s pretty goddamn disturbing that the Pizza Hut tree topper exists and none of us can have it. Some of my fondest childhood memories happened under those lights. Like the time my brother spilled an entire glass of chocolate milk all over our pepperoni pizza the moment it was served. Or the time my other brother had an anxiety attack after the restaurant lost power during a thunderstorm. Or the time the server came over, said, “Your pizza will be ready in a sec, I just gotta make a pit stop,” and proceeded to march directly to the bathroom. Sigh. I miss you, Cobourg, Ontario, dine-in Pizza Hut.

    Pics: YouTube/Pizza Hut Shop

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